02 - Empathy, Sympathy & nervous laughter

So let's talk about empathy and sympathy. A lot of times when you are having these interviews with someone especially if they're an interview that is about a subject that has a lot of emotion built up into it.

And so for me once again a lot of times that would be for someone who has just had an emergency or who is who's lost a large part of what their life used to be? But for some people it might be weight loss for some people it might be their experience with the legal firm or with it with a medical provider or with some people it might just be that they found a new job and they're so happy with the placement agency. There's a lot of emotion built up in them when they're talking about these testimonials when they're living that story from the heart. Their primary first person lived experience of why they're giving the testimonial in the first place. It's so important. When you feel things come up in your self a lot of times we become uncomfortable because of what the other person saying? Our job is not to judge. Our job is to hear. And our job is to understand to feel ok this I'm uncomfortable with us that's fine because it's just my job to hear the other person. When somebody talks about how they lost their loved one that should make you feel uncomfortable it's important to hold that space for the other person? It's important to keep that channel of communication open for the other person. As I said your job is to keep that line of communication open with the other person. And so a lot of times we want to come out with a solution or with a commentary on something because that would actually make us feel less uncomfortable.

The point is just sit with that discomfort yourself because they're telling you a fantastic story. Don't interrupt it when we feel uncomfortable. As a result of hearing someone else's experience it's important to notice that feeling of discomfort within ourself. A lot of times we are tempted to try and solve the other person's problem. This is not that time. This is the time to just sit with that discomfort and let the other person talk about their lived experience so many times we are going to hear people when they're emotional about what it is that they're talking about whether it's because they overcame something that was troubling them or because they're still struggling through it. But a lot of times when we struggle and we undergo a transformation even if we have been successful in that transformation and we've achieved our goals are still a lot of emotionality about that. When you're behind the camera and you're interviewing this subject it's important to never judge what it is that they're going through? You may feel very uncomfortable hearing what you're hearing. There are two things that you should try to avoid. Number one is trying to jump into the conversation to fix the problem. This is never a time to give advice you can give advice to someone after the video based on what you discuss. But it's never a time to engage in their conversation. We are we are eliciting the conversation here. The second thing is not to dismiss what it is that they're talking about.

There are some elicitation techniques that would use dismissive language to get someone to talk about something more. I don't recommend that here because it requires a level of sophistication that is extremely high and the consequences for doing it incorrectly is breaking report. So I don't recommend that at all. What I do recommend is if someone let's say someone is talking about their testimonial for a chiropractor after a head on collision that they have unfortunately they walked away from it? They know that they walked away from this head on collision and because they're stressed they're laughing about that walking away from the experience. Well sure they are stressed but at the same time they're talking about something that's very grave a great way to kind of bring them back to that is the technique that I was talking about that I think you should not employ would be something like this where they say guy I walked away from that man. I couldn't believe it that was that car looked like it got smushed and then they start chuckling. The technique that you don't use is well it must have been a bad accident where you negate their experience to try and probe them to come back for more like that's bad because once again you could break report really easily with that and not get it back. A better way to do it is to reiterate what you just observed. So for instance the person's chuckling about their car you might say Wow well that's a head on collision at 90 miles an hour and I'm sure you've thought about what the consequences of that could be and I know that oftentimes we laugh when we're stressed.

But what was really going on for you? Have you thought about what that could mean? Right to bring them back into the gravity of the situation rather than just let them go over and and just laugh it off because laughing it off is going to go away from the connection that we need for a good testimonial. So the real thing is to say I understand in a lot of times you laugh when stuff is stressful what's what's going on for you when you don't laugh about it. It's a great way to bring it back to get them to really connect with what it is that they had there and then tie that back to for instance the testimonial that they're giving to the chiropractor.

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